My Sarah

*In an effort to commemorate the December 2, 1997 birth of my beautiful miscarried daughter, Sarah Renay Payne, I want to tell her story! Sarah was a precious soul, even in my womb. There was something very calming about the way she rolled and moved. There was an indescribable peace that exuded from her. She was sweet.

At 23 1/2 (51/2 months)weeks of pregnancy, while at work as a teacher, my lower back began to feel uncomfortable. While walking around the school with a cough and medium sized heels on a trusted co-worker told me that it sounded like I was in labor. Once I got to the hospital, my doctor gave me medication to help the process alone as there was no stopping Sarah from making her appearance into this world! Well, I heard her strong heart beat on the monitors for quite some time. And then nothing as she was being “delivered”.

For many years I wondered if things would have been different if I had not worn those heels or maybe I would have carried my Sarah to term if I did not have that nagging cough. I carried those feelings of guilt for ////over almost 20 years. God let me know recently, through the dream of a dear friend that Sarah was going to go anyway. It was not my fault. God intended to keep her. We don’t always get to see the visible had of God. God allowed me to see His visible hand about 31 years ago as a teenager of about 17 years old at the foot of the bed of my teenage friend in Lynwood, California. As my friend was having an awful asthma attack and could hardly catch her breath, the Holy Spirit prompted me to reach out my hand and pray that her breathing be idled. I then say a large hand come down and touch her with the index finger and her breathing went back to normal. The Lord performed a miracle that day and allowed me to see His hand!

Well around the same time, I visited a lady’s house with another older friend. The lady was distraught that she had miscarried her baby. She took us to the fully decorated bedroom of her loss child. I will never forget the heaviness of the visit. In retrospect, I strongly believe the hand of God was present and we did not even know it. Today, I believe that lady’s sorrow was lifted because God used that moment in time that I witnessed her sorrow to impact me to not sorrow the way she did. I realized today, two months after picking up where I left off writing this post on August 26, 2017 (/////at the slashes above) that the hand of God was present then. The hand of God was present at the school house and the hospital room on December 2, 2017, and the hand of God is always present whether we see it or not.

About 15 years ago, the Lord gave me the idea of writing a book on behalf of Sarah. It was not until last year that He re-sparked in me the interest to once again write. I no longer had writer’s block. The Lord Himself spoke the book out to me in such detail that it is written in my head. I need to only now get the manuscript written and get it published and in stores near you. (smile) When I wondered which tool to use to write, I opened my ipad up. The Pages Application opened up by the Hand of God. I had absolutely nothing to do, but type. God’s Hand.

My dear cousin, Prophetess Zelda of Kingdom Advancers, told me on Sunday, October 1, 2017 that the Lord said I have a testimony to give. I immediately said, “Yes, I do”. I knew I would testify about Sarah. She told me the third Sunday (today) would be best. I agreed to it. On the following Thursday, I looked at the date of the third Sunday and it falls on The National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Look at the Hand of God! Give your life to Jesus and He will do the rest. To live is Christ and to die is gain. We win either way. I win to live in Christ share His wondrous works with you and Sarah wins because she is in the presence of Jesus.

If you or someone you know has loss a miscarried baby or an infant or small child, let’s take time out to remember the precious souls whose lives here on earth were cut short, but who gets to spend eternity with the Father in Heaven and who I believe our little Angel Babies. Say a prayer for the mother, father, and family. Take comfort in knowing that if you invite Him, God’s Hands are present in you situation. Today I will be testifying about Sarah, posting on social media, and driving with my head lights on in remembrance of my Sweet Sarah and others whose lives were cut short.

 

 

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